early morning snarky from last Saturday…

so i work at a state university.  specifically for a close friend of mine that i lived with for a few years in college (the first time around..)  now i am a student again and do some building management for her.. which is a blessing and a curse for several reasons, but one of the perks is that i get to be totally honest with her ass from time to time.  so some back story, in the summer there are all these sessions for freshmen (and freshwomen.. how dumbassed sexist is that?) that are coming to school in the fall.  you know, they listen to HOURS of harassment about what they should do and be and blah blah blah.. they also finally get to register for classes and get a student ID.. (actually helpful…)  these days are super pains in the ass.  millions of retarded questions (“excuse me.  where is the restroom?”.. seriously?! this building is not big and there are at least one set of restrooms on each floor. you can see them from here.  did you even bother to look in the only direction they could possibly be in? fuck off!  “they’re down the hall on the right.”  understanding smile.. dumbass.)  and this past Saturday, when i had to open the building at 6:30am (which directly conflicts with my alcoholism by the way), it started out badly… these are some conversations i had…

email to boss…

So, I don’t know the situation of why there is no custodial crew here on weekends, but I am not going to volunteer for any event-weekend shifts in the near future..  Here’s why.. Upon taking two large bags of trash out this morning (before anyone got here to produce trash mind you.. which also means my co-worker is a lazy bitch..), one of them leaked a pink chunky substance all over my foot… I am aware that it’s probably not vomit, more likely a combination of all the gross things people ate and drank yesterday, but it was all I could do to not vomit and/or scream.  I am apparently not emotionally ready for such nastiness… And right when all the incoming freshmen and parents are arriving, someone spills a sticky pink drink right in the way of foot traffic.. what’s wrong with you people? drink a redbull like the rest of us! helps with the clarity and whatnot, jerks…  If not for that lovely CUSTOMS worker (that’s what these sessions are called. cute, huh?) who guarded it while I got cleaning supplies, that would have been a total disaster..  Please note this all took place within an hour of my arrival… :\  Help the economy and give some hours to someone who needs them.. on the weekend.. when there are lots of filthy children running around…

Good morning!

P.S.  The spot on the floor I scrubbed with paper towels is remarkably cleaner than the area surrounding it… which makes me giggle a lot

cause that leaves such a good impression on these people..

P.P.S.  There’s a tampon on the loading dock.  I am sooo not touching that.. i do not get paid enough..

Oh, and that nice-looking homeless man is here again… sounds like he’s got the tuberculosis now…


this is the conversation i had with the hubs afterwards while all the idiots were milling around talking to apartment reps in the lobby and doing whatever it is they are forced to do before they are released to go home to whatever mundane shit they do in their last summer of freedom…

me:  I’m having one of those mornings that’s either going to make me a better person, or further my downward spiral into bitterness….

I’ll keep you posted.

Hubs:  so how was it?  Ur morning that is

me:  um… pink chunky trash on my foot.. drink spill in hallway by theater.. homeless guy in the building.. filthy children taking up precious oxygen and resources… you know.  the usual..

Hubs:  So.. better person or bitter?

me:  still deciding that…… i did send off some snarky emails to boss-friend about not having custodians on the weekends when there are hundreds of idiots running around.. that cheered me up a little.

and now someone is playing boyband music right outside my office…  LOUDLY..  did you know that boybands were even back?? that is so 10 years ago!

(i had to google that shit.  seriously, there are boybands, real live boybands, out there “making music” and being popular… what the hell, America?  i expect a little bit more from you..)

Hubs:  No.. but awesome!!!

me:  hahahahaha i love you.

Hubs:  Is it customs?

(he travels a lot and has a terrible memory for shit i just told him… yay!)

me:  yes.

Hubs:  Well that sucks.  Sorry yo

me:  also, if you watch psychological thrillers for several days straight, it is going to catch up with you….  (i highly recommend The Perfect Host with David Hyde Pierce.  fucking ridiculous awesome.. Netflix it. right now.)  haha. i was paranoid all five hours i was in bed this morning and i knew why THE WHOLE DAMN TIME.  i have been laughing at how dumb i am all morning.. giggling at everydamn thing.. (early morning delirium…) after i managed to not vomit over the foot thing…

btw.. i got the moves like Jaggar.. got the moves like Jaggar… whooohoooohoooohooo…

i may be going insane much faster than usual today.

Hubs:  Is that the boyband ur talking about?

Cuz that’s maroon 5


me:  oohhhhh…. i’m telling the cool kids you knew that!

and no. these songs are like 3 minutes long.. there’s been four on since i originally said that.. why the fuck do you know that anyway?

that 12 hour turd of a bullshit day ended and the tattoo-getting-crazy-drunk-fest began til the next dawn.. ever had krupnik?  damn Polish people and their alcoholic traditions….

p.s.  it’s homemade.  and delicious.  (thanks, E!)

my night started off with this monstrosity…

something about a bloody brain shot…?  it was soooo gross……… and i’m a fucking professional…

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